Tidy your life, manifest your best!

A few years ago, Marie Kondo, famed organizational expert, gained world-wide notoriety and became a household name. If you ever viewed her show on Netflix, then you know that this petite, quiet woman’s superpower was empathetically guiding people through the challenging yet rewarding process of decluttering their homes. 

As a therapist, it was such an intriguing process to witness-to see how people accumulated things over the years; how they clinged to things out of comfort and how that need for comfort and familiarity led to clutter; how they endured the emotional rollercoaster of emotions as they processed memories attached to certain items, etc.; and ultimately how they chose to fully commit to the purging process in order to reap their very personal and differentiated reward. The decluttering was not simply a physical process, but an emotional one as well. Ms. Kondo famously stated, “Tidying is the act of confronting yourself.” What must you confront to live a tidy, happier life?

As I cleaned out my own closet this weekend, I had an epiphany. This decluttering and purging process was the very thing I needed to do with not only my possessions, but my life as well.  I needed to Marie Kondo certain parts of my life in order to make room for the things I wanted to manifest this year. This was the perfect time to start!

So, obviously, I wonder, as you read this, what areas of your life could you declutter in order to make room for your best hopes and desires to manifest? Oftentimes we tether ourselves to things, people, relationships, mindsets, experiences, and behaviors-whether they are good for us or not- because they are comfortable, familiar, part of our identity (or at least that’s what we tell ourselves), and in order to move on from these weights, we have to take an introspective look within and possibly experience some hurt and emotional discomfort. The prospect of discomfort paralyzes us and keep us from making progress in our life; however, in order to move forward, we have to experience the discomfort of letting go; the good thing is that the discomfort is temporary, and on the other side of that pain, is purpose, growth, newness, happiness, and peace. “The first step in crafting the life you want is to get rid of everything you don’t” (Becker). 

Consider the following tips to help you begin the rewarding process of purging what no longer serves you:

• Identify your best hopes for the coming year. When you begin with the end in mind, you can align your daily actions with your ultimate goal.  

• Assess the things, people, mindsets, and behaviors, etc. that are beneficial and those that stifle your growth. Create an action plan to remove or address those unhelpful and possibly harmful aspects of your life. Create goals to be more intentional about those helpful and fulfilling aspects of your life. 

• Welcome all emotions with self-compassion and acceptance. The purging process can be uncomfortable, and you may experience emotions that you have been actively trying to avoid. Acknowledging and accepting all feelings helps you grow through the process. Welcome your feelings- uncomfortable as well as pleasant- as guides teachers, leading you safely along your journey.

• Commit to the process of purging in order to realize your purpose. Understand that in order to welcome the new, you have to let go of the old. 

Remember, begin with the end in mind. Begin your year with intention- changing unhelpful habits, reframing negative  mindsets, and purging non-utilitarian things- in order to manifest what you deserve. Remind yourself that you deserve all the best that this year has to offer. 

Kindall Tyson, M.Ed., LPC, NCC

What I Choose to Remind Myself

On a normal day, you are pulled in several directions. Now, in addition to perpetual multitasking, you have the added dilemma of managing your thoughts and emotions about returning to school, COVID, voting, and the general state of the world. Honestly, it  can all be quite overwhelming at times when you are trying to maintain a sense of normalcy and balance with a healthy dose of positive outlook. 

As the world turns, the days go by, and you attempt to live a meaningful, productive life, I wonder what have been the prevalent thoughts running through your mind? What’s the story that you’ve been telling yourself? I can imagine that we all have a mix of thoughts and feelings right now, considering the state of the world that we live in, and maybe with all the hustle and bustle of life, demands from work, and interpersonal responsibilities, it can be somewhat of a task trying to manage your thoughts.. 

There are days that seem to run like clockwork-you feel good, you’re encouraged, work goes well, then there are other days where it appears as if nothing goes according to plan. Those are the days you have to dig deep and be intentional about your automatic thoughts that arise. For me, when I sit, reflect, and compare the two experiences, the consistent thing I have noticed is that my day is determined by the type of thoughts I allow to take root in my mind. 

Roy T. Bennet states, “Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.”

The world swirls with things to be fearful of right now; I often have to remind myself that I am not powerless and have so much control over my life even when it seems like I do not. Below are a few messages that I find it imperative to remind myself of on a consistent basis: 

You are not behind. You’re right on time. Run your own race with grace and faith.  This one speaks for itself. When times get tough, and you begin to compare yourself and your journey to others, it is so important to put your blinders on and stay focused on yourself and your progress. We all know that comparison is the thief of joy, and the more we are externally focused on other people’s process, the less time we have to focus on our own path, growth, and continued areas of opportunity. Also, do your best to practice continued self-compassion which will help boost your level of acceptance and resilience building skills. There is a specified time for each of us to “arrive” at that proverbial destination, and where you are currently and work that you engage in right now is preparing you for that arrival. Have faith that no matter what your situation appears to be, this is all part of the journey intended to grow you, prepare you, and help you to be more grateful when you time does come. 

Trust your gifts. Don’t deprive the world of the knowledge and wisdom you have to share. Someone needs what you have-your skills, your knowledge, your creativity, your coalition building. When you’re dealing with self-doubt, remind yourself of the accomplishments that you’ve been able to accumulate to this point. If it helps, write them down and place them where you are able to see them and review them. Sometimes it takes for you to stumble in order to find your strength. You are skilled, and you have a lot to give the world. Take each opportunity as a chance to hone your gifts and actualize into the best version of yourself. Your gifts will make room for you when you engage in the daily work to sharpen them and when you engage in the daily work to to trust yourself and the process.

Fear is false. Push through it. As aforementioned, your thoughts aren’t always true. Fear has a way of immobilizing us, but it doesn’t have to. The thing that incites fear within you may probably be the item you would benefit from addressing, first. Working with a therapist to help you sort through your fears and not allowing them to become barriers to your success is a route that I will always suggest. Sometimes, a more objective perspective provides the opportunity you need to reframe your fears and use them to fuel your growth. 

Why are you doing this again? When times get tough, and you begin to question the process, it can be beneficial to remind yourself of your reasons to engage in the thing that you’re doing. The journey isn’t meant to be a breeze; it is meant to be ripe with learning opportunities and chances to see yourself, authentically, and encourage yourself. When you want to quit, remember that which motivates you. Remember the reasons you chose what you chose. Remind yourself of the small victories you experienced along the way. Never forget what led you to the thing you chose. Write your reasons why down; journal about them; keep them front and center to refresh you as life takes its course.

As you reflect, think about those affirming thoughts that you would benefit from being reminded about? Create a practice that you can incorporate into your day that will allow you to meditate on your why and manifest the reality you desire.

Here’s a thinking strategy for you to practice. It’s called Train Your Morning Thoughts from the CBT Deck. 

Write down 3 positive and accurate thoughts that you can read and repeat to yourself before you get out of bed. Practice filling your mind with thoughts that serve you well. 

Remember that your thoughts can deceive you.! They can be influenced by your mood, so it’s imperative that you actively engage with yourself and counter those inevitable negative thoughts. I’ll leave you with this reminder…

Kindall Tyson, M.Ed., LPC, NCC

Therapist | Educator Wellness Coach

www.aspirecounselingwell.com

Strategies to Cope with Unexpected Occurrences

According to Heraclitus, “The only constant in life is change,” and nothing has exemplified this statement more than the events that we have recently experienced. We as students, faculty, and families are dispersed throughout the world; our routines have been disrupted, we are unable to spend time with friends as we once had, we are less able to make definitive plans about our future, and yet, in the midst of the uncertainty and fear, we are still able to muster support for one another, show up for others around the world, and fulfill our responsibilities during this challenging time.

As a mental health professional, I can only imagine the levels of distress and uncertainty that some may feel, and I want to encourage you to pay special attention to your mental health during this time. It is easy to slip into negative thinking, feelings of boredom and hopelessness, and maladaptive behaviors when you’re cooped inside, lack connection with nature, and are dealing with fear of the unknown.

I endeavor to offer you a few tips and strategies to practice self-care, tend to your relationships, and mind your mental health during this time:

1.     Try and establish a schedule. As best you can, create set times for family time, scholastic responsibilities, physical exercise, and some social contact. Recent events have disrupted everyone’s routine and sense of normalcy; therefore, in an effort to regain some control over your day, try and establish a daily schedule. Doing so could provide a great opportunity for families to engage positively with one another and problem solve together.

2.     Limit your exposure to negative news about the event. I understand that news of the Coronavirus can be found in most places; however, you have control over how much you choose to access. Try to set a time during the day that you will limit your exposure to news that may depress your mood, make you feel anxious, or frustrate you further. Stay focused on those things that are within your immediate control. Stay as optimistic as possible and remind yourself that even though what you are enduring is not desirable, it is temporary!

3.     Focus on self-care. During this time, it is important to focus on your self-care. “Caring for your mind, body, and spirit can increase your ability to cope…” Eat well (as best as possible), get enough sleep (at least 8 hours), and exercise. If you are unable to get to a gym, there are online outlets that have exercise channels for you to watch and engage with.

4.     Practice healthy coping strategies. During this time of uncertainty and sometimes following unexpected natural events, you may experience intense emotions. It’s important to identify healthy ways of coping. As parents, open the lines of communication with your children about how they feel without reacting negatively, and for children, open up to your parents about the emotions that you may experience; don’t hold how you feel inside. Practice mindfulness strategies. They help you to deal with distressing emotions, remain present-focused, and cope more effectively. It could be mindful breathing and/or meditation. Click this link for a comprehensive list of healthy coping strategies. https://www.verywellmind.com/forty-healthy-coping-skills-4586742. Click this link to learn more about how to practice mindfulness, https://www.mindful.org/how-to-practice-mindfulness/.

Take it one day at a time and know that some days will be better than others. Remember, that this too shall pass, and you are not alone. If you are in greater need of assistance, reach out to a mental health professional; it is not a sign of weakness to seek support. I wish everyone well during this time.

Kindall Tyson, M.Ed., LPC, NCC

Therapist | Professional School Counselor | Educator Wellness Coach