Road Less Traveled Abroad

Written by Jaime L. Roya

I have experienced two key transitions in my life to date. The first being the decision to pursue an international career when I accepted my first position in Doha, Qatar. That decision was a catalyst of change and transformed me professionally, personally and most importantly spiritually.

As someone that has never lived outside of my home state Texas, this was a huge leap of faith. I did not have any expectations because I honestly did not know what I was signing up for other than something new and a road less traveled amongst my immediate family and close friends.

The transition to Qatar was quite easy, in retrospect, and in comparison to some of the horror stories I have heard from colleagues and friends I have met on this international journey. One aspect I appreciated most about life in Qatar is I worked alongside people that not only looked like me (race/ethnicity), but we also shared lived experiences. (Side bar: If you have ever heard the phrase “all skinfolk ain’t kinfolk” you may understand why I added the emphasis on lived experiences.)

Having a solid core group of girlfriends from various backgrounds and career sectors allowed me to maintain a healthy work-life balance which helped me to feel psychological safe. My mental health in Qatar was at peak performance. I did not allow “aloneness” to be mistaken for “loneliness” but instead strengthened my personal relationship with God through regular prayer and devotion.

When I chose to accept my placement in Qatar, my friends working in Egypt (a married couple I worked alongside in Houston, Texas that influenced my decision to move abroad) warned that the ease of that transition might prove to make moving most places in the world difficult. Those words rang true when I decided to pivot to South Korea. I was stripped of a comfortable expat lifestyle (think “soft-life”) and sisterhood. The former I can adjust accordingly but I realized sisterhood or even access to a community that looks like me is a non-negotiable. I spent the past year walking through life in South Korea blindly trusting my Korean-speaking coworkers to navigate daily nuances, tuning out my environment 90% with AirPods since I do not understand any of the conversations around me and not seeing a single person of color more than 1-2 times a month (that’s being generous).

Culture shock is an understatement. And yes, my mental health suffered. But GOD! I leaned into a newly created group of Black Counseling Professionals I met at a conference and made intentional efforts to stay in contact with my Qatar sisterhood circle and family in The States.

This year, I am focusing on finding joy and stepping out of my comfort zone to explore this place that God strategically placed me. While the road less traveled can bring it’s fair share of anxiety and challenges, what you gain for the experience is one of a kind and possibly a once in a lifetime opportunity.

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You connect with Jaime and follow her journey via the following platforms:

Instagram- @JaimeLRoya

LinkedIN- Jaime LaDawn Roya

Email: jaimelroya@gmail.com

Tidy your life, manifest your best!

A few years ago, Marie Kondo, famed organizational expert, gained world-wide notoriety and became a household name. If you ever viewed her show on Netflix, then you know that this petite, quiet woman’s superpower was empathetically guiding people through the challenging yet rewarding process of decluttering their homes. 

As a therapist, it was such an intriguing process to witness-to see how people accumulated things over the years; how they clinged to things out of comfort and how that need for comfort and familiarity led to clutter; how they endured the emotional rollercoaster of emotions as they processed memories attached to certain items, etc.; and ultimately how they chose to fully commit to the purging process in order to reap their very personal and differentiated reward. The decluttering was not simply a physical process, but an emotional one as well. Ms. Kondo famously stated, “Tidying is the act of confronting yourself.” What must you confront to live a tidy, happier life?

As I cleaned out my own closet this weekend, I had an epiphany. This decluttering and purging process was the very thing I needed to do with not only my possessions, but my life as well.  I needed to Marie Kondo certain parts of my life in order to make room for the things I wanted to manifest this year. This was the perfect time to start!

So, obviously, I wonder, as you read this, what areas of your life could you declutter in order to make room for your best hopes and desires to manifest? Oftentimes we tether ourselves to things, people, relationships, mindsets, experiences, and behaviors-whether they are good for us or not- because they are comfortable, familiar, part of our identity (or at least that’s what we tell ourselves), and in order to move on from these weights, we have to take an introspective look within and possibly experience some hurt and emotional discomfort. The prospect of discomfort paralyzes us and keep us from making progress in our life; however, in order to move forward, we have to experience the discomfort of letting go; the good thing is that the discomfort is temporary, and on the other side of that pain, is purpose, growth, newness, happiness, and peace. “The first step in crafting the life you want is to get rid of everything you don’t” (Becker). 

Consider the following tips to help you begin the rewarding process of purging what no longer serves you:

• Identify your best hopes for the coming year. When you begin with the end in mind, you can align your daily actions with your ultimate goal.  

• Assess the things, people, mindsets, and behaviors, etc. that are beneficial and those that stifle your growth. Create an action plan to remove or address those unhelpful and possibly harmful aspects of your life. Create goals to be more intentional about those helpful and fulfilling aspects of your life. 

• Welcome all emotions with self-compassion and acceptance. The purging process can be uncomfortable, and you may experience emotions that you have been actively trying to avoid. Acknowledging and accepting all feelings helps you grow through the process. Welcome your feelings- uncomfortable as well as pleasant- as guides teachers, leading you safely along your journey.

• Commit to the process of purging in order to realize your purpose. Understand that in order to welcome the new, you have to let go of the old. 

Remember, begin with the end in mind. Begin your year with intention- changing unhelpful habits, reframing negative  mindsets, and purging non-utilitarian things- in order to manifest what you deserve. Remind yourself that you deserve all the best that this year has to offer. 

Kindall Tyson, M.Ed., LPC, NCC

What I Choose to Remind Myself

On a normal day, you are pulled in several directions. Now, in addition to perpetual multitasking, you have the added dilemma of managing your thoughts and emotions about returning to school, COVID, voting, and the general state of the world. Honestly, it  can all be quite overwhelming at times when you are trying to maintain a sense of normalcy and balance with a healthy dose of positive outlook. 

As the world turns, the days go by, and you attempt to live a meaningful, productive life, I wonder what have been the prevalent thoughts running through your mind? What’s the story that you’ve been telling yourself? I can imagine that we all have a mix of thoughts and feelings right now, considering the state of the world that we live in, and maybe with all the hustle and bustle of life, demands from work, and interpersonal responsibilities, it can be somewhat of a task trying to manage your thoughts.. 

There are days that seem to run like clockwork-you feel good, you’re encouraged, work goes well, then there are other days where it appears as if nothing goes according to plan. Those are the days you have to dig deep and be intentional about your automatic thoughts that arise. For me, when I sit, reflect, and compare the two experiences, the consistent thing I have noticed is that my day is determined by the type of thoughts I allow to take root in my mind. 

Roy T. Bennet states, “Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.”

The world swirls with things to be fearful of right now; I often have to remind myself that I am not powerless and have so much control over my life even when it seems like I do not. Below are a few messages that I find it imperative to remind myself of on a consistent basis: 

You are not behind. You’re right on time. Run your own race with grace and faith.  This one speaks for itself. When times get tough, and you begin to compare yourself and your journey to others, it is so important to put your blinders on and stay focused on yourself and your progress. We all know that comparison is the thief of joy, and the more we are externally focused on other people’s process, the less time we have to focus on our own path, growth, and continued areas of opportunity. Also, do your best to practice continued self-compassion which will help boost your level of acceptance and resilience building skills. There is a specified time for each of us to “arrive” at that proverbial destination, and where you are currently and work that you engage in right now is preparing you for that arrival. Have faith that no matter what your situation appears to be, this is all part of the journey intended to grow you, prepare you, and help you to be more grateful when you time does come. 

Trust your gifts. Don’t deprive the world of the knowledge and wisdom you have to share. Someone needs what you have-your skills, your knowledge, your creativity, your coalition building. When you’re dealing with self-doubt, remind yourself of the accomplishments that you’ve been able to accumulate to this point. If it helps, write them down and place them where you are able to see them and review them. Sometimes it takes for you to stumble in order to find your strength. You are skilled, and you have a lot to give the world. Take each opportunity as a chance to hone your gifts and actualize into the best version of yourself. Your gifts will make room for you when you engage in the daily work to sharpen them and when you engage in the daily work to to trust yourself and the process.

Fear is false. Push through it. As aforementioned, your thoughts aren’t always true. Fear has a way of immobilizing us, but it doesn’t have to. The thing that incites fear within you may probably be the item you would benefit from addressing, first. Working with a therapist to help you sort through your fears and not allowing them to become barriers to your success is a route that I will always suggest. Sometimes, a more objective perspective provides the opportunity you need to reframe your fears and use them to fuel your growth. 

Why are you doing this again? When times get tough, and you begin to question the process, it can be beneficial to remind yourself of your reasons to engage in the thing that you’re doing. The journey isn’t meant to be a breeze; it is meant to be ripe with learning opportunities and chances to see yourself, authentically, and encourage yourself. When you want to quit, remember that which motivates you. Remember the reasons you chose what you chose. Remind yourself of the small victories you experienced along the way. Never forget what led you to the thing you chose. Write your reasons why down; journal about them; keep them front and center to refresh you as life takes its course.

As you reflect, think about those affirming thoughts that you would benefit from being reminded about? Create a practice that you can incorporate into your day that will allow you to meditate on your why and manifest the reality you desire.

Here’s a thinking strategy for you to practice. It’s called Train Your Morning Thoughts from the CBT Deck. 

Write down 3 positive and accurate thoughts that you can read and repeat to yourself before you get out of bed. Practice filling your mind with thoughts that serve you well. 

Remember that your thoughts can deceive you.! They can be influenced by your mood, so it’s imperative that you actively engage with yourself and counter those inevitable negative thoughts. I’ll leave you with this reminder…

Kindall Tyson, M.Ed., LPC, NCC

Therapist | Educator Wellness Coach

www.aspirecounselingwell.com