Road Less Traveled Abroad

Written by Jaime L. Roya

I have experienced two key transitions in my life to date. The first being the decision to pursue an international career when I accepted my first position in Doha, Qatar. That decision was a catalyst of change and transformed me professionally, personally and most importantly spiritually.

As someone that has never lived outside of my home state Texas, this was a huge leap of faith. I did not have any expectations because I honestly did not know what I was signing up for other than something new and a road less traveled amongst my immediate family and close friends.

The transition to Qatar was quite easy, in retrospect, and in comparison to some of the horror stories I have heard from colleagues and friends I have met on this international journey. One aspect I appreciated most about life in Qatar is I worked alongside people that not only looked like me (race/ethnicity), but we also shared lived experiences. (Side bar: If you have ever heard the phrase “all skinfolk ain’t kinfolk” you may understand why I added the emphasis on lived experiences.)

Having a solid core group of girlfriends from various backgrounds and career sectors allowed me to maintain a healthy work-life balance which helped me to feel psychological safe. My mental health in Qatar was at peak performance. I did not allow “aloneness” to be mistaken for “loneliness” but instead strengthened my personal relationship with God through regular prayer and devotion.

When I chose to accept my placement in Qatar, my friends working in Egypt (a married couple I worked alongside in Houston, Texas that influenced my decision to move abroad) warned that the ease of that transition might prove to make moving most places in the world difficult. Those words rang true when I decided to pivot to South Korea. I was stripped of a comfortable expat lifestyle (think “soft-life”) and sisterhood. The former I can adjust accordingly but I realized sisterhood or even access to a community that looks like me is a non-negotiable. I spent the past year walking through life in South Korea blindly trusting my Korean-speaking coworkers to navigate daily nuances, tuning out my environment 90% with AirPods since I do not understand any of the conversations around me and not seeing a single person of color more than 1-2 times a month (that’s being generous).

Culture shock is an understatement. And yes, my mental health suffered. But GOD! I leaned into a newly created group of Black Counseling Professionals I met at a conference and made intentional efforts to stay in contact with my Qatar sisterhood circle and family in The States.

This year, I am focusing on finding joy and stepping out of my comfort zone to explore this place that God strategically placed me. While the road less traveled can bring it’s fair share of anxiety and challenges, what you gain for the experience is one of a kind and possibly a once in a lifetime opportunity.

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You connect with Jaime and follow her journey via the following platforms:

Instagram- @JaimeLRoya

LinkedIN- Jaime LaDawn Roya

Email: jaimelroya@gmail.com

Moving Forward in the Midst of Discomfort

We are experiencing discomfort at unprecedented levels-in our personal lives and in our professional lives. Going about our daily lives and taking care of our basic needs has proven to be somewhat challenging considering everything unfolding in the world today. Some days it’s easier to accept life as it is, while other days, it is difficult to put one foot in front of the other. Although there are forces outside our control pulling us in multiple directions, we still are bound by the responsibilities of life, and as they say, life goes on!

Although there’s much occurring outside of our control in this season, we still maintain control over so much.

So, I pose this question again, how would you like to move forward? What will you nee to move forward in the most efficient manner?

Will you be stalled by life’s surprises, or will you use this forced slowdown to make some things start moving in your life?

Here are three things to consider when moving forward in the midst of discomfort:

1. Make up your mind and monitor your thoughts along the way. Your success begins with your thinking. With a determined mind, a focused mind, and an encouraging and healthy mind, you can go far. When times become challenging (and they will), adopting a growth mindset will make it easier to get through difficult, debilitating moments. Rosa Parks once eloquently stated, “I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear. Knowing what must be done does away with fear.”

2. Set SMART goals to help guide your progress. Goals are like roadmaps to success. Without them, success is possible; however, with them you have more alignment, focus, and guideposts to steer your progress. Setting goals is a sign of intention, and in order to amass the success that you seek, it behooves you to have a plan in place as you work through the process. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

3. Learn and implement skills that will help you deal with distressing emotions and situations. There will be happenstance events that occur in your life as you choose to move forward. You will encounter distressing situations, troubling situations, and confounding situations, but do not be resigned by these events. They come to test your resolve, and it is imperative that you have a tool box of skills to help you master the hills and valleys that you will encounter along your journey. You have the tools that you need to be successful, but you can also learn more skills to help you better manage your thoughts and feelings and you move forward amidst discomfort.

I want to share with you a mindful strategy to help you better manage your thoughts during distressing times. Practicing mindfulness helps you focus on the present, reduces anxious feelings, and helps you gain a greater sense of acceptance. This strategy can be done anywhere and by anyone.

THOUGHTS ON PARADE (Mindfulness for teen anxiety, pg. 50).

• Take a moment to get into a comfortable posture (sitting in a chair, hands on thighs, eyes closed), and just begin to bring your awareness to your thoughts.

• Imagine a parade going by on the street; you are sitting on standing and watching the parade pass by. 

• Now, try to imagine yourself actually on the floats going past, or perhaps on signs and banners carried by the marchers in the parade. Take a few minutes and just imagine the thoughts passing by. 

• Remember, do not join the parade and start matching with the thoughts; stand back and enjoy the show, knowing that even the biggest thoughts will pass by or be carried away by someone in the parade. 

Practice this strategy when you are not experiencing distressing emotions. Doing so makes it easier to implement when you are experiencing moments of distress, and if you’re struggling with doing so, seek the help of a licensed professional. 

So, I ask again, how would you like to move forward? How will you move forward with renewing your mindset? How will you move forward with managing your self-care? How will you move forward with using this challenging time as a catalyst for growth? How will you grow from this forced standstill? 

Remember, when you decide how you would like to move forward, your mind goes before your body! Feed your mind positivity; feed it encouragement; feed it with non-judgmental acceptance. Enhance your thinking with strategies meant to calm and focus it. Doing so will be beneficial for you in the long run.

I want to leave you with a quote from Robin Diangelo. 

How would you like to move forward?

Best regards,

Kindall Tyson, M.Ed., LPC, NCC

LPC | Educator Wellness Coach

www.aspirecounselingwell.com

This Is My Why!

Being a life-long learner and loving education, helping children, and being a conduit for positive change are why I chose a career in education. Recently, I was interviewed by a group that spotlights educators and authors. They were interested in understanding what drives me as a mental health professional and professional school counselor working in education. There are several things that bring me joy as I work with students and their families. I was provided the opportunity to expound upon a small segment of things that bring me joy. Additionally, as we gear up for the return to school, I was able to offer my perspective about the imperatives that need to be prioritized as students and educators return to school in whichever form, and I was pleased to share how my students have educated the educator!

1. What is the most joyful thing about working in education for you?

There are several things about education that bring me joy! As a Licensed Professional Counselor and professional school counselor working in education, creating a comprehensive counseling program that seeks to close achievement gaps, level the playing field for all students, and teach students about becoming empathetic, productive global citizens; supporting students as they become more self-aware, more self-accepting, grow more emotionally intelligent and academically adept with a desire to extend their learning beyond the confines of the school; advocating for culturally competent mental health and wellness education, and providing the school-wide community resources and support are the tip of the proverbial iceberg of things that bring me a sense of fulfillment when engaging in the work that I do. As a lifelong learner and mental health advocate, leading the charge to educate students, teachers, and all stakeholders about the importance of mental health and wellness as it relates to educational attainment and progression is imperative. 

2. What is the most needed curriculum or subject in schools that we lack today?

I believe the most important curriculum that is needed to complement academic rigor is SEL or social emotional learning. As we return to school, building relationships, making students feel safe and secure, and tending to the emotional needs of our students will have to be the top priorities. There is growing importance right now for schools to prioritize social emotional learning which, per the research, enhances student academic performance. There are myriad benefits to incorporating social emotional learning into all aspects of the curriculum- from improving emotional awareness and emotional intelligence, to learning how to manage their emotions and being more mindful of how their behaviors impact others, to building their resilience. An SEL-focused learning environment builds empathy in students and aids them in perspective taking; therefore, skills such as  collaborating with other students, self-advocacy, and conflict resolution increases. Building empathy among the school community is integral to moving forward, for everyone will be dealing with something known or unknown as we return to school in the age of COVID-19. Counselors tend to lead the charge with these efforts, but it will take a forward-thinking, school-wide approach to addressing the delicate emotional needs of our students if we want them to excel academically. The earlier we make social emotional learning a priority, the better the short-term and long-term outcomes will be not only for our students but also for our teachers, schools, and all stakeholders tasked with educating children.

3. What is the most important learning you’ve had from your own students?

I’ve worked in varying capacities over my 13 years in education, and I would have to say that the most valuable lessons I have learned on behalf of my students are that authenticity is vital to holistic health and happiness, and it’s important to foster genuine connections with others. I’ve primarily worked with middle school students, and I have witnessed them work tirelessly to uncover the truth of who they are, work to accept their gifts and uniqueness, and present themselves, unapologetically, to the world. For that age group, being authentic during a time when others really desire to blend in can be an uphill battle; they want to fit in and be accepted, as we all do, but lately, my students have reinforced for me the importance of loving the skin I am in, reveling in my uniqueness, and continuing to show up in the world as my best, authentic self. Furthermore, my students continue to teach me the importance of fostering connections. In schools, students routinely befriend others, and those friendships, relationships, and partnerships aren’t always successful; it can feel disheartening at times; however, what I bear witness to from them is the importance of being resilient in the face of disappointment. I’ve learned from my students that in order to foster genuine connections and to find your tribe of people, you have to, again, bring your authentic self to the situation, reciprocate what you desire to receive, and assert your needs. Ultimately, building and sustaining healthy relationships can benefit your holistic health and wellness. 

I’ll leave you with this quote that succinctly sums up my WHY!

“A person’s most useful asset is not a head full of knowledge, but a heart full of love, an ear ready to listen, and a hand willing to help others.” ~Unknown

I hope that all of the educators returning to schools, either in-person or virtually, take this time to meditate on, transcribe, and continually review their WHY! Being firmly rooted in your why will keep you as the times get tough, as you grow tired, and as you feel tapped out! Allow your WHY to sustain you to keep pressing, and please, never forget that you are someone else’s WHY- why they love school, why they feel safe, why they feel empowered, and why they push themselves outside their comfort zone. You provide an example, support, love, and consistency. Don’t ever lose sight of your WHY!!

Kindall Tyson, M.Ed., LPC, NCC

Therapist | Professional School Counselor | Educator Wellness Coach