Active Listening Skills for Parents

“It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.” Parents, in this day and age, time moves swiftly. Not only you but also your children can be pulled in several different directions and sometimes with the hustle and bustle of the day, it can be challenging to create time to engage in authentic, meaningful conversation with your child. While that may be the case, spending uninterrupted time with them is integral to their healthy growth and development and academic success.

Communication is a two-way exchange, and oftentimes, we as adults tend to dominate the speaker role. The thing is, kids have a lot to say; however, they often need a safe, nurturing space to share what they think and how they feel and the right person to listen. Incorporating active listening skills into your conversation demonstrates to your child that you are serious about improving the quality of your communication and connection.

Here are 8 actionable skills to help you practice and improve your active listening skills:

1.     Validation-Acknowledge the individual’s problems, issues, and feelings. Listen with empathy and respond in an interested manner.

2.     “I” messages- By utilizing the “I” in statements, you focus on the issue and not the person. I-messages let others know what you feel. Here’s the formula for I-messages: I feel (emotion word) when/because (explanation).

3.     Emotion labeling- Helping someone label their feelings helps a person see things more objectively.

4.     Restating- To demonstrate that you are listening, repeat back to the other person what you heard him or her say and paraphrase your statement in your own words-for example,” If I hear you correctly…”  

5.     Minimal encouragers-To demonstrate that you are listening and to keep a consistent flow to the conversation, use short phrases such as, “I understand,” “Oh?” and “Then?”

6.     Silence- Use comfortable silence to temper the conversation. This also provides both parties time to respond and think. While silence can seem uncomfortable, it can be a powerful tool when communicating.

7.     Redirecting- If someone is showing signs of being aggressive, angry, or frustrated, shift the discussion to a different topic.

8.     Body language- When communicating, it’s imperative that your nonverbal cues are congruent with your words. Monitor your facial expressions, nod and smile, have an open posture (no closed arms), and lean in when the other person speaks to demonstrate interest.

As Winston Churchill stated, “Courage is what is takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” Parents, think back to how it felt to be heard, genuinely heard, or not. Now, ask yourself, which experience would you rather pass on to your children-the feeling of being taken seriously, understood, and supported, or…NOT!

Have the courage to listen, attentively and actively to them, for there’s no time like the present to improve and enhance the relationship between you and your child.  

Kindall C. Tyson, M.Ed., LPC, NCC

Therapist | Professional School Counselor | Educator Wellness Coach